If You Post Another Top Ten Anything I’m Not Going Camping With You

After another day researching blogs and social media marketing I’ve witnessed dozens more thinly veiled attempts at click-bait and really crappy affiliate marketing. The stupidity is close to critical and the sheer vandalism of the English language makes me want to cry but I will persevere.

My first hikes were in the 80s. I ran my first outdoor store 14 years ago and I’ve worked for a few brands. My view is an interesting niche. It’s a boutique view… or something.

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Most of us in Gen X grew up just taking off into the bush with some drinks and nibbles and we hiked all day. We got lost and we got sunburned. We crashed through brambles. We made new paths. We had adventures. Most of you will relate to what I’m about to describe.

This is what you wear hiking. Bandana optional.

This is what you wear hiking. Clothes, that’s right! And shoes. Bandana optional.

 Here’s seven types of stupid websites and blog posts that do my head in. I haven’t linked to the sites because I don’t want to start a flame war.

‘Top 10 ESSENTIALS every camper needs!’

Here’s where you’ll get the cute list of things like:

1. Sturdy shoes – I prefer my *insertaffiliatelinkhere* or my *stupidtoe shoes*, but you may prefer something *lesshardcorebutstillexpensive*

2. Walking Poles – *Insert link to cheap walking poles here*

How is a two-hundred dollar rooftop solar shower with 12v pump considered an ‘essential’?

‘A Beginner’s (sic) Guide to Hiking’
Many websites ask the question, ‘Consider how much time you have to go walking. Is it a few hours on a Wednesday? Or all day Sunday?’

Are we discussing hiking? Or how to tell the time?

‘Pick your hiking location’ they’ll sagely advise.

Yeah… hiking at the local shopping mall is pretty stupid.

‘A must have for every Camper!’
Usually links to one of those magnetic claw things that picks up keys from behind your couch or home theatre. If you need one, I’m not going camping with you.

‘How to use whatever it is’
‘Don’t go straight out and hike 20 miles with walking poles, you are probably inexperienced and may hurt yourself’. I can safely say 95% of the population break walking poles within a few minutes of picking them up. I wouldn’t worry about injuries from walking with them.

‘How to camp with kids’
Step 1. Take kids camping.
Step 2. Deal with it.
Seriously? Why do you even have kids if you need a checklist to go camping?

‘Top 5 survival kit items!’
I’ve seen so many of these lists and some of them were missing a first aid kit! Most of them are just slick Amazon store lists. They always have stupid stuff like heavy duty trash bags, super-duper iron-man gloves, cheap and nasty torches, some water filtration tabs and a water bottle.

How about a first aid kit, flint tool, knife and a water filter?

Some people go out of their way to make hiking and camping look difficult.

Camping isn’t hard.

We’re all busy right now so let’s cut the crap.

Outdoorstype knows better.

Outdoorstype

View posts by Outdoorstype
Writer and all round nice guy.

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