I’m not going to be very popular in the outdoors blogging and social media crowd for this.
After another day researching blogs and social media marketing I’ve witnessed dozens more thinly veiled attempts at clickbait, or really crappy affiliate marketing. The stupidity is getting close to critical and the sheer vandalism of the English language makes me want to cry, but I will persevere and continue studying.
My first hikes were in the 80’s. I ran my first outdoor store 14 years ago and I’ve worked for a few brands. So my view is an interesting niche…a boutique…view…or something.
The act of walking, in the bush, with your legs, is now a really dangerous thing. Well, technically, it is, but it’s only seventeen hundred odd bucks and some bloke or sheila can tick a box to say that you rocked up wearing pants, had a backpack and water bottle, and weren’t wearing thongs. Welcome to the over regulated society. Perhaps we could get a ‘I can has walk?’ certificate printed on a t-shirt. Just for having coffee in at Mt Lofty in though.
If you do get this t-shirt printed, can you get an extra one in XL for me please?
Now it’s just getting silly.
Most of us grew up just taking off into the bush with some drinks and nibbles and hiked all day. We got lost and we got sunburned. We crashed through brambles, made new paths, and had real adventures. Most of you will relate to what I’m about to describe and having seen too much of this crap, it’s time for a good rant.
Here’s seven types of stupid websites and blog posts that do my head in. I haven’t linked to the sites because I don’t want to start a flame war…besides, there’s bloody heaps of them!
‘Top 10 ESSENTIALS every camper needs!’
So here’s where some person makes a cute list of things like:
‘1. Sturdy shoes…I prefer my *insertaffiliatelinkhere* or my stupid toe shoes, but you may prefer something *lesshardcorebutstillexpensive*’.
And…how is a two-hundred dollar rooftop solar shower with 12v pump an ‘essential’?
‘A Beginner’s (sic) Guide to Hiking.’
‘Consider how much time you have to go walking. Is it a few hours on a Wednesday? Or all day Sunday?’…Are we discussing hiking? Or how to tell the time?
‘Pick your hiking location.’…yeah…hiking at the local Westfield is pretty stupid.
‘A must have for every Camper!’
This is one of my favorites, it usually links to one of those magnetic claw things that picks up keys from behind the couch! Well, if you need one of them I’m not going camping with you, fatty.
‘How to use whatever it is.’
“Don’t go straight out and hike 20 miles with walking poles, you are probably inexperienced and may hurt yourself’.’ I can safely say 95% of the population break walking poles within a few minutes of picking them up, so I wouldn’t worry about injuries from walking with them too much.
‘How to camp with kids.’
Step 1. Take kids camping.
Step 2. Deal with it.
Seriously? Why do you even have kids if you need a checklist to go camping?
‘Top 5 survival kit items!’
I’ve seen so many of these lists, some of them were missing a first aid kit! Most of them are just slick ‘look at my Amazon store items’ lists. Heavy duty trash bags, super-duper ironman gloves, cheap and nasty torches, some water filtration tabs and a water bottle.
How about first aid, flint tool, knife, water filter?
These guys somehow manage to go out of their way to make hiking and camping seem really HARD!
The rest of us are pretty fucking busy right now, thanks, so let’s just cut the crap, ok?
And finally, multi-level marketing makes a sly comeback in the digital revolution…
‘How I make money from home by blogging!’
Do you know how that smiling bearded bloke in the white shirt and cream chinos makes money from blogging? By signing you up to his program (via a FREE E-BOOK!) about how to make money from home blogging.
And then you go out and advertise everywhere about how you make money from home blogging!
Except you don’t…make any money that is.
Outdoorstype knows better.